RITZ CAFE, FAIRFIELD

Fairfield, sydney's most unsafe suburb, as voted by "booya" member of answers.yahoo.com is actually home to one of the sickest places to eat out for lunch. The ritz cafe is unofficially the most hipster friendly location in fairfield, what with all the 96.1 THE EDGE/LIVE SEXXXYY FM radio thats always pumping down there (yeah, we know you love beyonce), one would actually feel relatively safe in dear od unfairfield. We first went there when our friend and local fairfielder said that there was a cool cafe round fairfield's neeta city...we were sorta thinkin in our heads yeah right whatever but then once we passed the stores with sticky taped up gun holes through their shop fronts, we were all like oh fuck this is pretty sick ay nigs??!?!

feast your eyes upon the pretty sickness:



dont let that lady scare you from comin to the ritz cafe she probably had tourettes cause she was fine when we were chillin near her happily drinking her ineapple drank...yes, thats right, WINTER PINEAPPLE MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!



The cafe is overall pink in colour not really sure why but it does set a nice scene to eat saturdays lunch in and looks real great with the red neon lights...the cafe's sorta reminiscent of them new orlens jazz clubs early hipsters would chill in like fat club and the rest.....think of kerouac's on the road, you know, the only ones for me are the mad ones .....
.....mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, mad to eat some awesome food at this awesome joint etc etc etc



but then again the cafe also most definitely echoes the diners of the 50's derrr and a jungle because of all of the ferns and shit they have chillin near the tables. i think this place would be complete with a juke box....yeah.....

the lady who owns/works at the store is pretty nice too and safe looking and lets you split bills which is cool for young niggas who dont make a lot of cash dollars and can only afford to pay for what they ordered.



We ordered the chicken ceasar salad ($14), a vege focaccia ($10), a watermelon juice ($5) and a chicken burger lunch special that comes with a can of drank of your choice which is nice ($10).



The food was all really great, the only problem is that the food is realllyyyy big, we're talkin like huge, dont think anyone could possibly go there and finish their whole meal unless they are a ridiculously hungry guy or if they are sharing or have the munchies or something. Yeah you should probably get high, real high before eating here if you plan on ever finishing a meal.... . The ceasar salad was particularly excellent because they aint cheese tightasses in fairfield like they are in granville. If you like cheese then definitely go to fairfield. The chicken burger came super hot and super fresh as did the focaccia but that wasnt hot because it had raw vegetables in it apart from the hot mushrooms. These were both great also. The $10 lunch specials we recommend because its always sweet getting a free drink, the lunch specials are a burger, a chicken burger or a steak sandwich. A steak sandwich is usually ordered and its the best but we mixed it up and ordered different stuff.



they are also fans of football were guessing...and not bias to any team which is a lovely change because the west seems to be a lot like london in regards to their obbsession with tha footy, watch green street hooligans OR EVEN BETTER:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Laq2AMU0Idg





And if you didnt know, now ya know, you know. You now know that fairfield is actually not all tragic, so don't go joing groups like this one..... http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/I-hate-Fairfield-CA/226707384832 instead visit the ritz cafe, it;s a really good place to go to eat 7/10 much more enjoyable than granville on so many levels, like in granville those arabs who own the store dont really care about the food they are selling they just wanna make some moola but i guess you cant blame a nigga for making some moola, niggas gotta eat ya know.... then again..it aint all about the money money money.



farewell fairfield...

OP SHOPPIN, WOODPARK

Okay so we started going here round yr 8 to buy belts haha belts! lowl! anyway belt buying turned into bag buying and then everything buying really. Woodpark op shop is tha fucken bomb, its woodparks hidden secret...well its not really hidden theres nothing else in woodpark, its probably the west sides smallest suburb. ANYWAY we went here the other day not looking for anything in particular and the 77 yr old (thats right, 77, to be exact) ladies working there informed us that they have been saving all the stylish clothes for all the stylish youth that supposedly flood through the doors of wood park op shop.






















37 Dell St, Woodpark.

GRANVILLE KEBAB HOUSE VS. GRANVILLE SOFRA KEBABS

We know what you're (most probably) thinking.......whats there to even do in the west at night? what (most probably) comes to your uncultured mind is the idea of getting s3xy at the roxy or stoned in your government housing block NIGGA!

BUT what you, person of cultureless mind, mustn't have realised is that we in the west brought the kebab down under. yeah thats right, we brought arab food to australia, from the middle east to the western suburbs to that same kebab stores you buy ya kebabs from n  scoff down after you party it up and theyre open all night long baby and so in typical westside manner we visited two of the most notorious kebab shops of the west....located within a 5 m radius of each other....

So here's how our interview with the Arab chilla at Granville Kebab House went down:
Us: Hey man
Arab: You girls aren't from the area are youse?
Us: Yeah we live in Merrylands man who r you?
Arab: I'm a very important person round here
Us: Oh for real? which kebab place do you prefer? 
Arab: I own them both i'm very imortant, are you girls single?
Interview over........
At GRANVILLE KEBAB HOUSE we decided on the purchase of a chicken, mushroom and cheese pide from both stores to see which would b better...so we ate the fresh lookin pide, didnt really taste that good...tasted boring with like the smallest amount of cheese in it which sucks.

We ate the pide with chilli sauce and bbq sauce. rating- 4/10.

This store was made up of images of the middle east and was overall green in colour, the young workers were pretty friendly too not once telling us off for smackin their asses so that was cool of them.






 VS.

At GRANVILLE SOFRA KEBABS we got served our chicken, mushroom and cheese pide, the worker attempted to handle the food in this store after holding his cigarette, we were cool with that but told him for future reference u wash ur hands before u do that next time ay man. 



sign still covered in plastic for protection

  




owner of both the stores

  

The decor in this store was pretty fucken random. The walls were tiled like a bathroom that set a bit of a sexy mood.




yeah cousins and relos r two different things..didnt ya know?

  

The pide here was in a slightly different shape and was not presented to us on a plate instead it was given to us in a paper bag which we like because we can relate to their laziness and understand completely why they wouldnt wanna clean a plate at that hour or anytime really har har anyway... this pide was way better i dunno y.... they were both $4 and the shops are owned by the same person but it was just better i guess it had slightly more cheese. rating 5/10.

FINAL VERDICT -- WINNER: GRANVILLE SOFRA KEBAB FO SHO
We not gonn' lie both places were pretty shit...the people were a lil freaky but like the pide was better at granville sofra kebab so in this battle they win and if u r desperate for some pide on a saturday night in granville go there and not granville kebab house they r cheese tight asses.

So we farewelled them islam bithces and left em watching drunk fob sluzzas sing along to kylie minogue tryin to seduce them with they sexxxay bodies...la la la...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFx3WX4DES0

BONSAI SHOP, GUILDFORD

This gem of the west is home to louie the little asian man's bonsai/corner shop

Us West End Gurls would go there in tenth grade after discovering it during our free periods, hadn't gone back in around a year, and never actually spoke to the little asian man chillin behind the counter cause we would usually only ever flower pick jewlerry from his fridge and eat his ice cold ice cream during the summer time.


so four years later, after all that good shit, we found ourselves back in the west, back in that very bonsai shop, chillin with that very same little asian man named Louie.

We started askin him a few questions.......heres how it all went down (from what our language barriers allowed us to understand):

Where are you from? Vietnam, I lived there until I was 30, I graduated from university over there in 1970, studied philosophy and worked for the Government.
Why did you come to oz? to escape capitalism
Where did you first live? in 1978 in East hills, army reserve camp for the first vietnamese refugees with My brother who now lives in canley vale
What was your first job? in a factory in padstow
How long have you lived in the west? 30 years
Where do you live now? chester hill
How long has bonsai shop been open? 15 years
Familia? wife, two girls, one son
How many trees have you grown/sold? 3, 4, 5 000
Do you like working here? yes nice n easy, I own all the shops on the block so I dont need to pay rent To myself which is good because corner shops are starting to die.
Are the people who come into your store friendly? yes they very nice but like every business i have good days and bad days.
Do you enjoy living in western sydney? yes this is where i know, i am not super rich i am a second class people, people not from western sydney think i from cabramatta but i not even from there. this is sad about people who dont live in western sydney they dont know. we have good life here, nice life not all like on news.

Louie louie then took us out back and showed us the bonsai trees he keeps caged. Man oh man, these are some of the best kept and most affordable bonsai trees in town ranging from $20 - +$150.

While we hung out back with the baby trees he cooked us up some fish n chips ($7)

Louie then played us some sweet tunes on his acoustic guitar as we rummaged through his fridge of random shit lookin for random shit to buy to make up for all the flower pickin' we did back in the day.

We settled on the purchases of fish n chips, onion rings, an asian heart necklace and a glass patterned weight.
It set us back an entire 15.50$.

"i am samuraii" - Louie 2011

We then went and had a little picnic on the side of the shop...good times...

 They were some sick chips! Up until this visit we had thought the fish n chips sign was a joke...so happy it was for real although the fish was lacking the chips made up for em in everyway. The onion rings were also pretty damn excellent.

Goodbye Bonsai its gonna rain!!!!!

Bonsai Shop Details:
opening hours: 7-7 erryday except sunday
81 Albert St, Guildford West